Monday, September 28, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Hebrew Bible Midterm Tomorrow: Study Guide
God: Hey... Abe?
Abraham: Hey wuts up?
God: Can you... do me a favor?
Abraham: totes, God. what do you need?
God: ummm.... can you kill your son?... Read More
Abraham: lol wut?
God: Jesus Christ this is awkward... ya know your son isaac?
Abraham: ...
God: if you could sacrifice him this weekend, that'd be great
Abraham: umm... k
God: sorry bout this, man
Abraham: It's ok, at least i still have this little extra bit of skin around my penis!
God: yeah... about that.
Abraham: lol wut?
Abraham: Hey wuts up?
God: Can you... do me a favor?
Abraham: totes, God. what do you need?
God: ummm.... can you kill your son?... Read More
Abraham: lol wut?
God: Jesus Christ this is awkward... ya know your son isaac?
Abraham: ...
God: if you could sacrifice him this weekend, that'd be great
Abraham: umm... k
God: sorry bout this, man
Abraham: It's ok, at least i still have this little extra bit of skin around my penis!
God: yeah... about that.
Abraham: lol wut?
Friday, June 26, 2009
For the Glory?
To the RIAA: For every sad old lady you fine for downloading music, I will download one terrible, seemingly worthless album. This week, in honor of Jammie Thomas-Rasset, who was fined $1.92 million dollars for downloading 24 songs, I will download Brokencyde's LP: "I'm Not A Fan, But The Kids Like It." Suck it, RIAA. Sample of Brokencyde's music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8F5YSA1Oz0&feature=player_profilepage
Later on:
So... I just finished listening to the entire album. I feel sick. My pupils are dilated and my skin is now an eggshell white as opposed to the nevada desert white that it previously was (I always compare my skin color to paint samples in home depot). It was quite possibly the worst thing I've ever listened to. It wasn't even so bad it was good; it passed the threshold to create an entirely new level of terrible. From now on, bands will not be awesome or lame or decent. They will use an orwellian form of doublespeak. For example, The Beatles are "Double Plus Un-Brokencyde." Nickelback is "Brokencyde-er than Evanescence." God Bless You, Jamie Thomas-Rasset
Later on:
So... I just finished listening to the entire album. I feel sick. My pupils are dilated and my skin is now an eggshell white as opposed to the nevada desert white that it previously was (I always compare my skin color to paint samples in home depot). It was quite possibly the worst thing I've ever listened to. It wasn't even so bad it was good; it passed the threshold to create an entirely new level of terrible. From now on, bands will not be awesome or lame or decent. They will use an orwellian form of doublespeak. For example, The Beatles are "Double Plus Un-Brokencyde." Nickelback is "Brokencyde-er than Evanescence." God Bless You, Jamie Thomas-Rasset
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
RIP The Baby
My Plymouth Neon. The most beautiful car in the world, has passed on. She was a princess and she will be missed
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Logic 101
A=C
B=C
A=B
Ipso Facto...
Hitler Was Popular A=C
Candy Is Popular B=C
Hitler is Candy!! A=B
Logic FTW
B=C
A=B
Ipso Facto...
Hitler Was Popular A=C
Candy Is Popular B=C
Hitler is Candy!! A=B
Logic FTW
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
A Short One
I realize I did not see the first 20 minutes of Twilight, but unless those 20 minutes included at 19 minute long apology for the crappy acting, horrible cinematography and contrived storyline that was about to be presented, it was still one of the worst movies ever made.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
An Open Love Letter to Bill O'Reilly
Hey Bill,
I miss you. And when I say, "I miss you," I really mean to say, "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME YOU BLOWHARD ANAL FISSURE OF A MAN!?!?!" I read on MSN today (http://tinyurl.com/clb5ol) that you're trying to get people to boycott Sean Penn films. Awesome. Sweet. Neato... What the ever-living fuck, Bill?
In this article, it says that you have a "right as an American" to boycott his movies. It is also interesting to note that you have a right as an American to stick your dick in a light socket... please do that. Just because you "have a right" to do something doesn't mean you should do it, you immature little assrag. Nickelback has a RIGHT to put out as many albums as they wants. That doesn't mean they should. In fact, they probably shouldn't have put out any.
But in all honesty Bill, if I need an opinion on what movie I'm going to see, I have several, quality research options at my disposal. For example, I could ask:
1. Rotten Tomatoes
2. My friends
...etc.
To give a reference point, The O'Reilly Factor ranks around #368 right above "Whatever Sound My Last Fart Made Translated Roughly Into A Movie Title From the Early 80's" and right below "Movies Scott Stapp From Creed Personally Tells Me To See." As you can see you are in good company.
On your show, you have often stated that you believe that actors and Hollywood in general should stay out of politics. You even said that the Dixie Chicks should be "slapped around" for their political views. So Bill... Billy... Billtown, stay the fuck away from movies that I like. Don't talk about them... ever. Not even once. As soon as you start thinking about a movie and have even the slightest inclination to voice your opinion, search for the nearest Sobe Bottle and shove it up your rectum.
So that's about it, Mr. Bill O'Reilly. Have a nice day.
I miss you. And when I say, "I miss you," I really mean to say, "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME YOU BLOWHARD ANAL FISSURE OF A MAN!?!?!" I read on MSN today (http://tinyurl.com/clb5ol) that you're trying to get people to boycott Sean Penn films. Awesome. Sweet. Neato... What the ever-living fuck, Bill?
In this article, it says that you have a "right as an American" to boycott his movies. It is also interesting to note that you have a right as an American to stick your dick in a light socket... please do that. Just because you "have a right" to do something doesn't mean you should do it, you immature little assrag. Nickelback has a RIGHT to put out as many albums as they wants. That doesn't mean they should. In fact, they probably shouldn't have put out any.
But in all honesty Bill, if I need an opinion on what movie I'm going to see, I have several, quality research options at my disposal. For example, I could ask:
1. Rotten Tomatoes
2. My friends
...etc.
To give a reference point, The O'Reilly Factor ranks around #368 right above "Whatever Sound My Last Fart Made Translated Roughly Into A Movie Title From the Early 80's" and right below "Movies Scott Stapp From Creed Personally Tells Me To See." As you can see you are in good company.
On your show, you have often stated that you believe that actors and Hollywood in general should stay out of politics. You even said that the Dixie Chicks should be "slapped around" for their political views. So Bill... Billy... Billtown, stay the fuck away from movies that I like. Don't talk about them... ever. Not even once. As soon as you start thinking about a movie and have even the slightest inclination to voice your opinion, search for the nearest Sobe Bottle and shove it up your rectum.
So that's about it, Mr. Bill O'Reilly. Have a nice day.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Adventures in Barnes and Nobles!
...or smart people, or dummies, or... *BARF*
WHO YOU CALLIN' A DUMMY!?!?!?!
Sometimes self-help books start with a step backwards
It's Science... duh
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